Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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