you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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