Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
