I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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