Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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