Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
