Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
