If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
