pedialite and red bull = repair kit
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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