I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My ass is underappreciated
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
