She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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