I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
