Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
