you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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