Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
