I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
