I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
