Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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