I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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