i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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