all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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