I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He shit in the fireplace
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
