he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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