ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
