its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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