dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
