you turned your livingroom into a bong?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize