I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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