then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Duck Duck Cougar?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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