Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
