Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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