I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
