So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
