I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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