i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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