I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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