did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
