I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
