My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize