just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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