I accidentally had phone sex last night
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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