I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
