Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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