Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
