What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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