1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The maid of honor just puked.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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