Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
And then he peed in my hair
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