According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
