He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
