you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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