dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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