it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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