Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
