Plan B is the new Plan A
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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