Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
