I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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