i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I will be naked everywhere
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
