And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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