im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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