please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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